I'm Too Sober For This

Fast AF (Almost Free) Shipping
-Orders of 2+ items ship FREE in the USA.
-One lonely tee? Just $2.95.
-Need it faster? Speedy options start at $6.
-Canada homies: from $12.95.
-World domination: from $17.95.

-All tees printed fresh in Ohio and ship in 1–2 biz days (Mon–Fri).
-We nap on USPS holidays. 💤

Love It or Leave It (But Hopefully Love It)

Our tees fit true—like your favorite go-to shirt. Not shrink-wrap tight, not parachute loose.
-If it doesn’t fit just right, you’ve got 14 days to swap or return it (just don’t wash it first, ya animal).

-Free Size Swaps – We’ll send you a prepaid label + the new size, easy peasy.
-Returns – Ship it back yourself or ask us for a label (we’ll just deduct it from the refund).
Refunds go out 48–72 hours after we get it back in like-new shape.

Need help? Hit us up—we make returns less annoying than your ex.

Need Help? Holler at Your Herd.

We’re basically always around (like that one clingy friend), so hit us up anytime:

📩 Email – Use the form on our Contact page. We’ll get back faster than a donkey on energy drinks.

📱 Text Us – Need speed? Text 614.966.2210 for the quickest response.

💬 Live Chat – Weekdays 10–4 EST, click that chat bubble and we’ll be there faster than you can say “funny tee.”

We got your back. (And your front, if you’re wearing one of our shirts.)